What I Really Mean When I Said I’ll Win

Allow Me to Explain

I know it sounds so arrogant to claim victory when the odds seem to be against you. However, when I said I’ll win, I didn’t say I’ll win a legal case and earn a hefty sum for the damage I – and many others – sustained. Neither will I make a wannabe tyrant kneel before me while begging for mercy (though the thought is pretty tempting). I’m not going to burn down a fledgling office or voodoo its owner (and his imp helper) until he vomits blood and pees squid ink. I’m referring to a different brand of victory that requires no praise or pageantry, but it’s a concept that other people have trouble grasping.

This is how you kick ass in a game of chess.

I shouldn’t have gone overboard with metaphors only the eccentric can empathize with. Oh well, you don’t have to get me if you don’t. I may explain but learning curve is a bitch.

Yes, I investigated and gave Sherlock Holmes a run for his money. I appealed to institutions and learned individuals, hoping they’d set things right or at least motivate me to keep this “cause” going. I listened to all opinions and suggestions with a grain of salt. But an eternal optimist like me can only do so much. Even my undying sense of justice knows that something’s got to give but lawsuits and all-out war won’t be the answer. They still count to some extent, but there’s a bigger, more subtle catalyst for victory out there and it appears to be working (fingers crossed or I’ll have to pay dinner).

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The Thing About Humanity

I always find myself thinking: why do we continue to eke out an existence though we know full well there’s only one end for us all? Ironically, I entertain these thoughts while I try to complete a project at work.

Isn’t it weird how we submit ourselves to laws, regulations, policies, ideologies, principles, philosophies or what have you? If you try to trace history, we’re the ones who created these laws and bound ourselves to them. A social contract, as Jean Jacques-Rousseau would have called it. In other words, humanity started out without laws. Now, we can’t live in harmony and order without them.

Still, despite these laws, you see people who are keen to break away from the norm. And we, at times, try to circumvent the law in our own little ways. Has anyone ever been caught jaywalking? Has anyone tried to cheat during exams? Do you lean on the glass even when there’s a big sign telling you not to? Ironic, indeed.

Love Without Borders: A Postmodern Self-Contemplation on Homosexuality

For fans of Japanese animation and manga (comics), Yaoi is one of the most popular taboo words. My introduction sounds oxymoronic to say the least. Still and all, Yaoi is not as widely accepted as other animé and manga genres despite its remarkable female fanbase all over the world. To those who are completely ignorant and unaware of Yaoi, I took some passages from Wiki to inform you about it:

… known as Boys’ Love, [Yaoi] is a popular Japanese term for female-oriented fictional media that focus on homoerotic or homoromantic male relationships, usually created by female authors.

From the passage above, you can already surmise that Yaoi is a sensational depiction of male to male relationships – according to a woman’s point of view. As to whether or not these imagined homo love affairs reflect a parcel of truth… only the homos (and their closest buddies and confidants) can tell. In my opinion, however, it does not matter even if the imagination of female mangakas like Yamano Ayane, Shimizu Yuki, Nitta Youka or Makoto Tateno go overboard, to the point that even anal sex appears so heavenly and exciting to readers. So who cares about explicit S&M between men? Who cares about older yakuza leaders preying upon beautiful young boys or two porn actors falling in love with each other? Moreover, what’s the big deal about an alpha male drug snatcher who eventually gives in to the advances of his gay partner? All these extraordinary events have entertained me ever since I started reading Yaoi mangas. But that’s beside the point.

The Story of A Girl

In a bid to help me with my writing journey (yes, I’m collecting materials I could use to fuel my imagination and drive), a friend shared his stories of heartbreak and unrequited love. He went through hell and high water. Man, what a martyr kind of guy with little romantic luck to dispose of (not that I have much luck either). I did my best not to weep since I’m currently going through a similar experience. Tired of recounting his misery, he asked me to do the sharing this time.

Honestly, though, I’m really bad at telling personal stories (particularly when there’s a lot of pain involved). I don’t want to sound cheesy, sappy and bitter. Heaven knows tales of love and loss are rarely told without these common ingredients. I guess the best way to share my story is to tell it fairy tale style. If you’re interested in reading it, then read on. I guarantee you it’s simple, matter-of-fact and devoid of fluff (but you don’t have to believe me, you know).

And so we start:

A Pity that You Pity Yourself

In his critically acclaimed book Dance Dance Dance, my all-time favorite existentialist author, Haruki Murakami-sensei, asserted that “some folks get upset seeing miserable examples of humanity.” He was never more correct – at least in so far as my context is concerned.

I happen to be one of those folks.

There are many non-selfish people out there but that doesn’t mean they cannot prioritize their dreams and necessities when the situation calls for it. One thing I cannot swallow, however, is the presence of miserable people who refuse to get out of the rut they chose for themselves.

Suicide Notes…

In those days of yore, one suicidal person nearly screamed at me: “You have no idea what it’s like to be me!!!”

“Of course I don’t..” was my reply. “Why, do you have any idea what it’s like to be me?”

He frowned hard (no doubt on the verge of punching my face). So I went on for the kill.

“Don’t be so arrogant as to think you’re the most miserable person here on earth. No matter how much you grieve upon yourself, the world doesn’t stop for you.”

And for that, another name was added to my list of fiends.